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Tuesday, June 05, 2018

Go away, Miss America

Every now and then a celebrity dies, and my reaction is: I thought he died years ago. So it goes with Miss America, a beauty pageant from the 1920s designed to promote Atlantic City.

Somehow this relic limped into the 1950s where television discovered it and Bert Parks. All I remember from the show is Miss Texas always seemed to win it, and the commercials were all about hair products and makeup.

Even as a kid, I realized women watched it, not men. If men watched it, the ads would have been for beer and tires. Apparently drunken driving was the national pastime in the 1950s.

Feminists failed to kill it in the 1960s despite its increasing irrelevance.

Gretchen Carlson may finally have euthanized it.

ABC News described her as "the first former Miss America to be named chairman of the Board of Trustees of the Miss America Organization." Another plastic ceiling broken.

The pageant is dropping its swimsuit competition.

"In place of the swimsuit portion of the competition, Miss America contestants will now take part in a live interactive session with the judges, according to the organization," ABC News reported.

They have re-invented the "GE College Bowl."

Bring on the transgendered. And the men. You cannot discriminate. And why not a married Miss America? And an illegal alien one. Hold it in the bathroom at Starbucks with everyone kneeling when they play the national anthem.


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  1. This is great! The old Surber resurfaces! How true it all is too.

  2. Miss America? I thought that was a racing boat.

  3. My mom went to visit cousins in the last 1940's in Louisiana and won the small city's Miss America pageant competition. They figured out after she won that she was fifteen and lived in Texas. Rather than admit they had an underage child as a beauty contestant she went on to almost win Miss Louisiana. Why did she do it? Free clothes of a type that her parents would not have allowed her to have or wear at fifteen. A beautiful green-eyed and auburn haired charmer all of her life her family teased her "We can't believe you did that!" She said "I won didn't I?"

  4. My same reaction, Big D. Haven’t watched it in over 30 years. I still watch the National Spelling Bee though. Heard this on Plante this morning. Apparently they’re keeping the evening gown competition but contestants can wear whatever they want. Groovy, man. And they will place increased emphasis on their answers to questions about social justice. Awesome. Tell you what: Let’s have the Philadelphia Eagles and the Miss America contestants meet and mate, and then we form a more perfect fascism.

  5. Rachel Maddow is the odds on favorite to win this year. Rosie O’donnell is the leader in the clubhouse for Miss Congeniality.

    1. Runner up Caitlin Jenner.


  6. Miss America rebooted as an audio podcast

  7. I believe the phrase is, "Jumping the Shark." - Elric

  8. I can see some women competing against other women in a contest based on appearance, but what kind of woman would be attracted to a contest based on intellect, like some sort of grownup version of the national spelling bee for college age women? This is a "new coke" or "SB open public bathroom" type of decision where the organization commits suicide before our eyes.

  9. Put the Miss America pageant on the radio instead, and make it solely about the voice.

    And I’m telling you, year after year it’ll start being won by gals who’ve spent the past 20 years waitressing at truck stops.

    Dave Burge tweet:
    1. Identify a respected institution.
    2. Kill it.
    3. Gut it.
    4. Wear its carcass as a skin suit, while demanding respect.

  11. Another success story to add to the Trump ash heap of success. The pageant was owned by Donald "The John" Trump from 1996 to 2015. He's such a tremendous businessman. Right up there with the New Jersey Generals.

    1. President Donald John Trump has never owned the Miss America beauty contest.
      He once owned Miss USA and Miss Universe.

  12. My dad claimed beauty pageants existed so JayCees could meet pretty girls