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Wednesday, January 17, 2018

President Kasich's first year

I see where Republican Governor John Kasich of Ohio -- his father was a mailman, you know -- plans to run for president again. Well, running for president can be quite lucrative as Harold Stassen discovered. Many are the rich people who will lavish money on a celebrity politician.

But what if Kasich were seeking re-election as president?

How would that play?

What happened in that imaginary world in the first year of Kasich's presidency?

Working with Democrats to achieve a bipartisan utopia, President Kasich re-nominated Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court, and then denounced as deplorable those Republicans who opposed his nomination, which was confirmed by a 54–45 vote.

Despite the recession, which saw unemployment hit 10% in December, President Kasich was confident four days before the anniversary of his inauguration that the Dow Jones Industrial Average would again reach the 18,332.74 it closed at on Election Day.

"Only 2,000 more points to go," he quipped to reporters at the end of his Martin Luther King Day ceremony with Colin Kaepernick, in which Kasich signed an executive order asking Congress to change the National Anthem to the 1990 Public Enemy song, "911 Is a Joke (In Your Town)."

The president once again touted his Tax Hikes and Job Retraining Act, which was designed to balance the federal budget and eliminate the $2 trillion annual deficit -- in 25 years.

A week earlier, President Kasich signed into law the DREAM Without a Wall Act, which granted amnesty to all 12 million illegal aliens -- er, Americans Who Did Not Happen to Be Born Here.

The act also repealed the 2006 authorization for building a wall, and deactivated ICE and the border patrol. The money spent on these agencies would instead be used to help offset the estimated $400 billion increase in social welfare programs caused by opening the borders.

"Americans no longer need fear their government," he said at the signing, adding the quip,"unless they want to buy ammo."

He referred to the Gunpowder Act of 2017 which required, for safety's sake, the storage of all ammunition in community magazines. The 25 percent tax on ammo would pay for emergency room care for gunshot victims.

Kasich's bipartisan presidency saw Sally Yates promoted to attorney general, Gina McCarthy remain as EPA administrator, and Dick Durbin appointed secretary of state, despite his remark that most countries are s***holes.

Kasich appointed Harvey Weinstein to head a new presidential council on sexual harassment. Meryl Streep recommended him.

Meanwhile, Toyota and Mazda announced plans to build their first car plant in Mexico. Ford shut down its last remaining car factory in Michigan.

"Oh well, those jobs weren't coming back anyway," President Kasich said.

Ratings for the three cable news networks fell to 20-year lows.

South Korea canceled its Winter Olympics after North Korea accidentally bombed Guam. President Kasich immediately dispatched John Kerry, John McCain, and Mitt Romney to Pyongyang to negotiate the latest appeasement.

Bipartisan calls were made to Fox News to fire Sean Hannity after he called them "The Team of Presidential Losers."

But Kasich's popularity fell to 32% after the news media agreed that he was racist, xenophobic, sexist, and transphobic -- as well as Hitler and Stalin.


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  1. This post gave me a serious case the Willies.

    Dennis Kucinich is now the word for OH as of this morning.

  2. Kasich stands as much of a chance of being President as I do of winning The Masters. I turn 60 in May and have broken both arms.

  3. “after North Korea accidentally bombed Guam.“

    Well, that’s one interpretation of “Imagine there’s no countries”.

  4. Of course Don, you are exactly right. It would not matter if a "Republican" President had Obama as a special advisor, he would still be racist, homophobic, anti-woman, etc. etc. ETC!!

  5. I've commented on the Democratic Party business model: make people dependent on government.

    There is also the Republican Party business model: be an amiable loser and keep your snout in the trough.

    It's easy to be an amiable loser when you have no convictions.

    1. I believe Kasich admitted he should be a Democrat.

  6. Where's Madam Wannabe in this scenario, Don?
    Did she get Vince Fostered?

  7. Here is a video of Kasich trashing a cop who gave him a ticket. The video seems to indicate that Kasich is the idiot:

  8. You left out the part about Putin's invasion of the Baltics and a narrow strip of Finland.

  9. One thing you've got wrong, Don: the confirmation vote for Garland would've been a lot closer to 70 or 80 in favor, with Mitch "The Turtle" McConnell whipping the Republicans in line to show his bipartisan creds and, of course, make sure nobody gets in the way of his pork and his "cheese pizza". Remember, all the way up to the election day he expected Trump to LOSE: the Garland nomination was not held up so that a Republican he never thought would win could have the slot. He held up the nomination so he could ask favors from President Hillary for getting Garland through.

  10. So, really not much difference between a Kasich first year and a Hillary first year.

    And, of course, if Kasich had won the primary Hillary would be POTUS now.

    We didn't turn out to vote for RINO McCain or RINO Romney, why would we turn out to vote for RINO Kasich?

    1. Actually, Kasich polled quite well against HRC and likely would have won.

      I got a good laugh out of this. The problem with Kasich is not that he's a 'Democrat' but rather than he lacks what adolescents in the 50s called 'heart' and he lacks a stubborn sense of principle. Like Paul Ryan, he'd roll over in the face of media shitstorms, just not as readily because (unlike Ryan) he's a disagreeable person in mundane life.

      Scott Walker was a fine Governor, but he wouldn't stand up to his major donors (and had never figured out just where he stood on immigration anyway). Ted Cruz is highly principled, but he still has some emotional reactions characteristic of someone who has spent too much time in the Ivy League.