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Thursday, July 27, 2017

Preview of "What Happened" by Hillary Clinton

Hillary just completed her book on her historic loss in the 2016 presidential campaign: "What Happened."

There should be a question mark at the end, because she never knew what hit her.

Hillary "Why Aren't I Ahead By 50 Points" Clinton still doesn't know What Happened.

So let us start off at the beginning: Her husband was a terrible president and she was an Imperial First Lady.

Her Hillarycare proposal was a takeover of the medical industry even down to dictating what doctors would specialize in. The Soviet Union had collapsed. Hillary wanted to re-establish it here.

As for her husband, his accomplishments were giving Republicans the Senate, giving Republicans the House for the first time in 40 years, and getting away with perjury and suborning perjury in the Lewinsky (ahem) Affair.

Harry Reid saw her coming and decided to save his party (and country) by rolling out Barack Obama a presidential cycle too soon. They stopped Hillary.

She would have been worse.

Obama's inexperience meant he almost gave away Iraq and Afghanistan. He would have closed Gitmo -- unleashing a holy hell -- if not for Dan Inouye. Thanks to Obama and Reid, Iran has the bomb, North Korea too.

But what pushed the American people over the edge was Obama's embrace of illegal aliens, Obama's disinterest in stopping Muslim terrorism, and the endless recession.

Washington did great. The rest of the country did not. Our government had failed us. The grasshoppers fiddled and lived large in DC, while the ants worked hard for far less.

But none of the Republican candidates would call out Washington.

Enter the Dragon, Donald Trump. He ran a pants-of-the-seat campaign -- a billionaire champion of the people -- a contradiction wrapped in a paradox.

Calling us "racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamophobic -- you name it" did not deter us. We get it. We're deplorable. We no longer care what people think of us.

We won -- and we continue to win.

Hillary was the hippie. Trump was the square.

Trump earned his keep.

Trump's high school was the New York Military Academy. His class of 99 men elected him their captain. Numero Uno. He went on to Fordham and transferred to Penn.

Upon graduation, he went to work, talking over the family business (Elizabeth Trump & Son) and re-naming it the Trump Organization. He built it into a $10 billion international company with 22,000 employees.

Clinton was class valedictorian at Wellesley. Upon graduation, she went to Yale Law. Upon graduation, she married a Yale Law graduate.

That's why girls went to Wellesley in the 1960s: to land a man. For all her feminist claptrap, that is who she is.

Hillary felt entitled by her husband's position, which led to a senatorship.

But in the end, what happened was her generation of leadership failed.

Failure has consequences.

And apparently a book deal.

Good for her.

She'll never be president.

Good for us.

Caution: Readers occasionally may laugh out loud at the media as they read this account of Trump's election.

It is available on Kindle, and in paperback.

Caution: Readers occasionally may laugh out loud at the media as they read this account of Trump's nomination.

It is available on Kindle, and in paperback.

Autographed copies of both books are available by writing me at

Please follow me on Twitter.

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  1. Hillary is evil; Media is fake; Trump is great.
    Lather, rinse, repeat.

    1. So Hillary's the lather, the media's being rinsed away, and the Trump Presidential victory will be repeated in 2020?

      Thanks, Anonymous. In the words of Lili von Shtupp, "What a nice guy!"

  2. Subtitle: "Clueless in Chappaqua." - Elric

  3. Seems to me the title should be "Wha' Happened?"

    1. If you're thinking of that bit from A Mighty Wind, Dave, I am SO with you!

    2. Or the Across The Border Wall Version:

      "Wha Hapen?"

  4. An alternative title: "Carpetbagging For Dummies".

  5. This has gotta be a one page book, right?


    I was drunk off my ass the entire time and honestly don't remember any of what happened.


    1. Once again, we see the consequences of not stocking up on pure Tennessee sipping whiskey.

    2. Yeah, Dave, by early November she was chugging bottles of cooking wine, Listerine, Aqua Velva...whatever she could get her mitts on.

  6. The sequel to OJ's "If I Did It"

  7. To coin a phrase that is getting kind of old - at this point what difference does it make? - the country has moved on Hillary, corruption is not high on the voters list anymore.

  8. What happened

    The most heard phrase when Hillary woke from one of her little "episodes".

  9. Danke, dafur dass Ihr jeden Tag mit uns die Hl. Messe gefeiert habt, fur all die Reparaturen im ganzen Haus Jeux De Friv Juegos Friv fur Euere Bereitschaft Juegos Friv Jogos Friv Juegos Friv immer zur Verfugung zu stehen Juegos Geometry Dash Juegos Twizl Twizy Juegos Twizl Danke, dass Sie Ihr Muhen um den Aufbau des Leibes Christi mit uns teilten.

    1. To that I can only add, Mundo paparazzi mi amore pay Fellice parasol, Cuesto obligado tanta mucho cake can eat it carousel, Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park shaves in the dark tryin to save paper, Sleeps in a hole in the road saves enough to buy some clothes, Keeps a ten bob note up his nose, Such a mean old man.

  10. To be fair - Clinton is responsible for ensuring that North Korea has nuclear weapons and a missile program.

    Interestingly, Obama hired the exact same person that Clinton used to negotiate the N.Korea nuke deal to negotiate the Iran nuke deal.

    Want to see something truly special, watch Clinton and Obama talking about these respective deals shortly after making them - they both go on about how they've just saved the world, and that the deal will ensure that the country they just absolutely ensured will definitely get nukes in a few years will somehow never get them.

  11. Schlonged!
    Hillary Clinton

  12. Seriously, Do we not detect a trajectory towards disappearing creativity, combined with disappearing self-awareness?

    Raising the Parkinson's Issue again.

  13. Last line of book: "I am SOOOOOOOOO BUMMMMMED!"

  14. I'm sorry for Hillary's defeat. The extreme right has been gaining space all over the world.