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Tuesday, August 04, 2015

People now cannot eat cheese without government assistance

Graphic shamelessly stolen from Ray Felitto III on Facebook.

On Monday, the government forced yhe Kraft Heinz Company to recall 36,000 cases of Kraft Singles individually wrapped slices because three customers were too stupid to peel off the plastic, and choked. Ten other morons couldn't figure out how to get all the plastic off and complained.

From Fox Business News:
The Kraft Heinz Company (KHC) is voluntarily recalling 36,000 cases of select code dates of Kraft Singles individually-wrapped slices after customers reported choking on the plastic wrapping.
Three consumers choked and ten complaints were filed after some sections of the plastic remained connected to the cheese after it was unwrapped.
“If the film sticks to the slice and is not removed, it could potentially cause a choking hazard,” according the company’s statement.
The recall applies to 3-and 4-pound sizes of Kraft Singles American and White American pasteurized prepared cheese with a use-by-date of December 29, 2015 to January 4, 2016. The products were distributed throughout the U.S., Puerto Rico and Grand Cayman.
“We deeply regret this situation and apologize to any consumers we have disappointed,” Kraft said.
This is the company’s second recall this year. Back in March, the company recalled 242,000 cases of its trademark original flavor Macaroni and Cheese dinners over concerns boxes may contain small metal pieces.
Though no injuries were reported, the company said eight consumers did contact the company regarding the recall.
Meanwhile, McDonald's continues to have to warn customers that hot coffee is hot.

Eventually the government will feed people with eyedroppers, like baby birds.


  1. I can remember when individually wrapped slices was a Good Thing. It was darned hard to separate slices when they were all gummed together. Trillions of school children were late for the bus because harried mothers were struggling to avoid putting whole bricks of cheese between bread.


  3. WARNING TO CUSTOMERS: Remove plastic wrapping from cheese before eating If you think this means you can eat the plastic, IMMEDIATELY RETURN CHEESE TO SHELF; YOU MIGHT CHOKE TO DEATH.

  4. We know Americans are stupid. Obungler got elected twice.

  5. When I first saw the recall it got my attention. I had just purchased some of that cheese. But then I found out that instead of worrying about getting poisoned I just had to be smarter than the plastic wrapping it comes in.

  6. Think of all the jobs those eye dropper feedings will create. Maybe we can give out another 100 million green cards to fill those jobs.

  7. I received a call from Sam's Club about the recall, and sure enough, I have a block of death slices waiting in my fridge. Thanks for the tip, but I think I can remove the plastic myself.

  8. Oh FFS! Really?

    I understand the recall about metal fragment concerns, but really!?

    I have, by the way, always loathed individually-wrapped cheese slices. They taste different.

    Probably all the fluoride...