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Thursday, July 05, 2018

Australian woman can no longer open jars because of Donald Trump

That is correct. Brigid Delaney, an Australian columnist for the Guardian, can no longer open jars because of Donald Trump.

What amazing powers he has that stretch halfway around the world.

Delaney wrote that after Americans elected Donald Trump president, she stopped going to the gym.

The reason she stopped going to the gym was her embarrassment over the election. She had made a bet that she would pull a sled with 154 pounds on it, double her personal best.

After the election, she went back to the gym, and said, "Just f****** load up the fucking sled, all right, and let’s get it over with."

Nasty woman.

She pulled it, and left the gym.

"Hungry and sore, I repaired to a restaurant down the road that I had never visited and where I had never seen anyone come or go from. The silent restaurant – no background music, no other diners – seemed like the perfect place to welcome the end of the global liberal order," she wrote.

"What new political order had been born tonight?"

In defiance, she stopped working out.

"According to the book Trump Revealed, Trump believed the human body was like a battery, with a finite amount of energy, which exercise only depleted. So he didn’t work out. When he learned that John O’Donnell, one of his top casino executives, was training for an Ironman triathlon, he admonished him, ‘You are going to die young because of this,'" she wrote.

So Delaney stopped exercising and began drinking Diet Coke and began eating at McDonald's.

She became weak, she said.

And it is all President Trump's fault.

"I missed being strong enough to open jars and carry groceries. So, last week, I returned to the gym, slinking back in as if no time had passed. I hoped that by wearing a puffy jacket and MC Hammer pants I could hide my lack of definition – that I could pretend I had maintained my fitness on my own. At home, running to the building next door. On the couch. While tweeting," she wrote.

Of course one thing she did not do is golf.

President Trump golfs. A lot.

And she forgot one other thing.

Trump is not her president.

She's Australian.

###

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16 comments:

  1. Sorry Don ,that down under female is not even worth a comment.

    ReplyDelete
  2. If there were people on the right wing side who were as nutty as this lady, would NYT, WaPoop and the other enemedia outlets print gleeful stories mocking them?
    Why, yes.
    Yes.
    I believe they would.
    Therefore I posit that people as nutty as this don't exist on the right wing side.
    JimNorCal

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  3. I am...speechless. I can't remotely see how the two ideas are connected. Seems just quit working out and tried to convert her laziness into virtue signaling by blaming it on Trump.

    If Trump's enemies are all this dumb, I can't even imagine how successful the remainder of this term and the next will be.

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  4. Perhaps the platonic concept of the perfect jar in heaven is the only victim here.

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  5. Our national icon Tim Blair (who is a mate of Iowahawk's) coined the term frightbat to describe the Ms Delaneys of our national journalism pool.

    Since 2014 he's been running a hotly contended poll every year for the most infamous frightbat, although lately he's extended it to male(?) frightbats too.

    I'm not sure that Ms Delaney will make the 2018 list as there is a great deal of competition. Aussie media is a vast lefty swamp.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yassmin Abdel-Magied is in the Hall of Fame

      Delete
  6. Ahh, the incredible mysterious amazing sorcery of Mr. T! He’s Harry Potter on roids. Hahahahaha!

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  7. She might not be able to open jars, but she sounds angry enough to bite the tops off bottles.

    ReplyDelete
  8. We may have one locally. She would always wear her "Love Trumps Hate" tee shirt to the gym. She probably caught me more than once looking at the shirt and smiling. Yes, I am a dirty bastard, but to shorten the story I haven't seen her in months.

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  9. If she didn't have Trump to blame she would have blamed her fat on someone/thing else. It is how they roll.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She may try to sue him in the World Court.

      Delete
    2. The World Food Court maybe.

      Sure is a lot a mental illness masquerading as politics these days.

      Delete
  11. She is either lying or has serious mental issues.

    Either way, what a putz.

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  12. Mr. Trump is an amazing man to have such a profound effect on someone desperately in need of an excuse to be stupid. Lack of intelligence is a common effect on liberals and the media, but I believed it was only a disease of the American elitist, I stand corrected by Ms Delaney.

    ReplyDelete