Darn, who told her?
Writing in the Ottawa Citizen, Ashby said:
Canada is a country worthy of invasion. Canada has abundant resources of fresh water, oil, coal and timber, all of which will be increasingly important as climate change continues its death march across history. The longer we scorch the Earth, the more valuable Canada’s resources become. If this weren’t the case, Nestlé wouldn’t have worked so hard to outbid the small town of Aberfoyle, Ont., for its own water. Nestlé’s justification for the purchase of the Middlebrook site indicated that it was a “supplemental well for future business growth.” Nestlé is thinking ahead. Is Canada?
Besides, we all know how Trump feels about oil resources. “It used to be ‘to the victor belong the spoils,’ ” he said when asked about Iraq at the NBC Commander in Chief Forum, adding “Now, there was no victor there, believe me. There was no victor. But I always said: Take the oil.” How would President Trump feel, if he learned that Canada is second only to Saudi Arabia in its available oil reserves, and that its oil is less costly to produce than that of other suppliers?
Would President Trump wait for a pipeline? No. Waiting for a safe and legal pipeline takes too much time. Annexations for oil resources are much simpler. Just ask Ukraine. Given Trump’s connections to Putin via ex-adviser Paul Manafort, and his pro-Kremlin foreign policy positions, it’s not a daring leap of imagination to consider that Trump might put Putin’s tactics to use regarding Canada.Before I go any further, I must correct the record. The United States is sitting on more proven oil reserves than Saudi Arabia, Russia, or Canada.
The US holds more oil reserves than Saudi Arabia and Russia, the first time it has surpassed those held by the world's biggest exporting nations, according to a new study.
Rystad Energy estimates recoverable oil in the US from existing fields, discoveries and yet undiscovered areas amounts to 264bn barrels. The figure surpasses Saudi Arabia's 212bn and Russia's 256bn in reserves.We have so much oil that most of it we placed of limits for fear of spooking a caribou or giving a seagull PTSD from seeing a derrick 50 miles off the coast. We prefer to import oil because our politicians collect bigger kickbacks from foreigners.
As for annexing Canada, oh my gosh, that would create problems. What would we do with all the polar bears and celebrities who threatened to leave the USA if we elected Trump? You think we want them back? We're secretly hoping the polar bears eat them. We have enough of a country already and doubling its size only complicates matters.
Plus, Canadians are too damned nice. You think a fuggedaboutit New Yorker wants anything to do with people who apologize for being so apologetic?
And Canada is too clean. There. I said it. When film-makers use Toronto as a surrogate for New York City, they have to toss trash in the streets -- and then guard against unwitting interlopers who want to pick it up. Who can live like that?
So invading Canada was really more of an idea than a plan.
But if Ashby insists that we invade, I suppose we shall have to, if only to shut her up about it.
Our demands will be simple.
1. Quit using the extraneous U in words such as labor. You no longer are British. Quit putting on airs.
2. Make CKLW play Motown songs again. I don't care that Motown no longer exists. The world was better when CKLW blasted soul music to listeners from Lansing to Cleveland. MCRGA*.
3. Make Quebec give up French. They have not been French in 250 years. Enough. Parlay voo 21st century?Oh and we may make Canada take back Seth Rogen. Depends on if he is on that list of celebrities who threaten to leave when we elect Trump. At any rate, buh-bye Seth.
*MCRGA stands for Make Canadian Radio Great Again.
Please read "Trump the Press," a fun romp through the Republican nomination that uses the deadliest weapon to skewer the media experts: their own words. "Trump the Press" is available as a paperback, and on Kindle.