Butt out of our presidential election. You know nothing about us, our wants, our needs, and our desires.
The same people who complain about American hegemony also want a say in our election.
You don't get one.
Look, I realize we draw a lot of attention, what with being the best nation in the world and all. We have the best music, the best movies, the best military, the best cars (German engineering turned out to be German cheating at Volkswagen), and so on and so forth. Even though we dominate international news in most places, you do not get us.
Take guns. We have them. We like them. They make us happy. Well, less than half the country does. Most of the rest of the country does and is not bothered in the least about them. A Gallup Poll in January found only 2 percent of the country think gun control is a big issue. Less than half the country owns a gun. If you do not know how this can be, then trust me, you do not know our country well enough to give us any useful advice.
Take medical care. You say we have a lousy system that costs too much money and excludes too many people. Well, we do spend more than the rest of the world on the medical industry -- nearly $3 trillion a year. And we have the best system. That is because it is run by private enterprise, not the government. Anyone gets treated in an emergency, regardless if they have money or insurance. That's the law. Reagan pushed for it. Instead of setting up hospitals for the poor, we give them insurance cards. This lets them get treated like anyone else in private hospitals that are better than yours.
How can I say that? What is my proof? We also have government-run hospitals for veterans and Indians. Both are a shambles because no one is held accountable. The Phoenix VA is a mess, and yet its administrators get bonuses for running an incompetent hospital.
Let me give you another example. Canadians are quite proud of the health care system. They are also proud of their Jepp quadruplets -- Autumn, Brooke, Calissa and Dahlia -- rare identical quadruplets from Calgary. They turn 9 in August. However, they were not born in Calgary, population 1 million. They were born in Great Falls, Montana, population 50,000, because there was no hospital in Canada who could handle the neonatal intensive care of all four babies at that time. America is Canada's backup system.
Many people in the rest of the world saw President Bush 43 as a buffoon, a monkey, an idiot, and a cowboy. But he had an MBA from Harvard. And he made wise decisions in the wake of 9/11. His instinct was to protect Muslims from any backlash, and that worked.
Many people in the rest of the world also see President Obama as a genius. Or shall I say "saw"? How is that Islamic State working out for you? An Iranian nuclear bomb? China militarizing? Where Bush 43 was strong and put fear in the heart of al-Qaeda, Obama is weak and puts fear in the victims of the Islamic State. Most of those victims are Muslim.
Many people in the rest of the world see our nation as racist because people dare criticize Obama. If we are so racist, how did he get elected and re-elected?
Our nation is the best not because our people are the best. Far from it. England sent its fools and fanatics. So did the rest of the world. What made America great was that we gave these dregs of the world and descendants of these dregs an opportunity to succeed, and many did. We may not have invented the locomotive, the automobile, the movie or a hundred other items, but we sure as hell perfected them -- and made the products so cheap that even the poor could afford them. I am torn when I try to pock the greatest American -- John D. Rockefeller? Thomas Alva Edison? Henry Ford? Norman Borlaug? George Phydias Mitchell?
America is the largest Christian country in the world. It also is a beacon of religious freedom. Yes, there are a few jerks here and there who are intolerant. But by and large, we act as Christians and turn the other cheek.
I read that note about non-Americans wanting a word to mock us for electing Trump even though they are worried about how this will somehow hurt them, let me just say How Dare You?
Not only do you expect us to save your hides when things go wrong, but you expect us to provide you with a word to mock us with.
But I will give you the answer anyway: Trumpelstiltskin.
Yeah, we're Americans and we tolerate you. We're a teenage nation babysitting the world. It doesn't pay much but we get to eat snacks.