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Sunday, January 10, 2016

Here comes the Judd

Democrats, want an alternative to Hillary and Bernie? Try the man who scored 41% in his only primary against Obama in 2012.

Democrats, are you tired of the corruption and ineptness of Hillary Clinton?

Embarrassed by the Luddite socialism of Bernie Sanders?

Stumped when asked who Martin O'Malley is?

Are you seriously considering a Draft Jimmah movement?

Wait. Put that gun down. There is good news.

To find the pain relief you need fast, look no further than the United States Penitentiary, in Beaumont. Texas, home of Keith Russell Judd. He is serving a lengthy sentence in federal prison for a bizarre attempt to extort money from the University of New Mexico. Besides filing appeals that go nowhere in the criminal justice, Judd runs for president. And he is making progress. In 2008, he finished third behind Obama and Hillary in Idaho. In 2012, he captured 41% of the vote going head-on-head against the president in the West Virginia Democratic Primary.

A devout Rasta-Christian with a mullet that Billy Ray Cyrus would die for, Judd has a lot to offer the country.

First, already being housed in a federal correctional center means we will be able to layoff half the White House staff and shutter Camp David. With only one hour of outdoor exercise allowed, taxpayers will no longer be on the hook for those $1 million rounds of golf.

Second, being limited to making only one phone call a month will keep him from lobbying Congress to pass more laws.

Third, incarceration means he won't spend millions gallivanting around the world on a Legacy Tour. Armed guards negate the need for a Secret Service.

Finally, Democrats have the perfect composite candidate. Judd combines the vagueness on issues of O'Malley with the criminality of Clinton and the looniness of Sanders.

Act now. Judd is already on the primary ballot in Louisiana, Missouri, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, and Texas.(Sorry, Tennessee.)


  1. Yeah, but all those benefits gained by his being behind bars go away as soon as he pardons himself.

  2. It's been done. Eugene V. Debs ran for president from prison in the 1920 elections.

  3. Don, you done brightened up my day with not a thermonuclear light, not a supernova light, but a "BOY, THAT'S A LOTTA" LIGHT.

  4. Future so bright, gotta wear shade, Sam

  5. That's a heck of a get out of jail plan.
    (1) Run for president.
    (2) Get elected.
    (3) Pardon myself.
    (4) Freedom!

    -Mikey NTH

  6. Even if he freed himself, he would probably be better than Obama.