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Tuesday, November 03, 2015

Star War VII spoilers

Star Wars VII: George Lucas Needs More Money opens December 18, 2015, in a movie series that has lasted longer than the Galactic Wars.

Here are the spoilers:

1. Luke Skywalker finds he's really the son of  Obi-Wan Kenobi, as his mother was a slut. Feels good because he got one over on Darth Vader.

2. Awkward moment following the legalization of gay marriage when C3PO asks R2D2 to marry him, and R2D2 just walks away.

3. Ewoks Lives Matter hold an aging Queen Leia hostage during a palace sit in. Yes, she finally got that promotion.

4. Chalmun franchises Mos Eisley Cantinas throughout the universe, but as family restaurants featuring the Big Godon Frezzes with Cheese. Chewbacca retires and opens one on his home planet, Kashyyyk.

5. Storm troopers fire and actually hit something!


  1. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Ah don' buhleeve that!

  2. Glad you didn't post the real spoiler about Chewbaca being Leia and Luke's child coming back via time travel to prevent Han Solo from wooing her away. Yes, intergalactic inbreeding can get ugly.