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Thursday, September 24, 2015

We need Aylsia's Law

Sure, everyone mocks paper cuts. Few people take them serious. After all, no one has ever died of a paper cut.

Tell them to the family of Aylsia X, whose paper cut led to an infection by a flesh-eating virus, which killed her.

Tell that to the millions of hemophiliacs in the world who live in fear of bleeding to death from a paper cut. Their anxiety from paper insecurity alone should be enough for Congress to take action.

Of course, Big Paper will lobby against any efforts to regulate the thickness of their products. They make paper thinner and thinner to squeeze out every possible profit they can make, no matter how deadly thinner paper is.

Think thickness doesn't matter? Paper cuts are extremely rare among kindergärtners -- because they use construction paper, which is thicker.

And toilet paper paper cuts are even rare -- because the paper is soft.

Meanwhile, thousands of office workers are cut every day from the paper they handle. Big Offoice calls this an occupational hazard. But so was black lung until the coal miners rebelled and changed the law.

Congress needs to say enough is enough and stop the blood shed.

First, require paper companies to make paper thicker. A minimum depth of one-inch would protect us all.

Second, require paper to be softer, like toilet paper.

Third, require employers to provide steel gloves for their workers to protect them from deadly paper cuts.

Big Paper and Big Office will complain about the added expense. But what is the price Congress would place on a human life? If Aylsia's Law saves one life, it is worth it.


  1. Too much chewing to make a spitwad to throw at Mister Obama, our social studies teacher.

  2. Pretty good parody of the "not one more" rhetoric, Don. me thinking about a "not one more schoolkid hoax bomb" law...

  3. You jest. But an acquaintance tripped over a Sweetgum ball (the little spiky things Sweetgum trees make by the billions). Skinned her knee, got staph, went to her heart, destroyed it, dead within a year. My campaign slogan would be, "Responsible municipalities have sweetgum eradication programs."