Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Elvis and Almira Gulch, who the candidates really are
Liz Smith, who as a gossip columnist chronicled the lives of the rich and tacky, penned from retirement a missive in which she said she may have invented The Donald when she began covering him and Ivana 40 years ago. If so she did a fine job because I do not have to explain who they are. She wrote: "Donald became bigger and bigger. He was the king of hyperbole and he had just the requisite touch of Elvis vulgarity to endear him to the common man."
She wrote that in 2000.
Elvis. That's it. How did Alannah Myles put it? "Black velvet and that little boy's smile." Liz Smith is from Texas. She would know these things.
A former boss -- female -- said Clinton had that Elvis thing going for him. Kinda mischievous. Very sensual. She also graded candidates by their hair. Policy mattered to her, but a president has to have command presence, and hair. Ike got away with having none only because he won World War II (and ran against the high-domed Adlai Stevenson.
I do not know how to grade Trump's hair, but I doubt anyone else would get away with saying Megyn Kelly's questions came due to her time of month. Elvis vulgarity.
Ted Cruz has pretty eyes with Liz Taylor's double eyelashes, which the attending doctor at her birth pronounced as freakish, and Garry Trudeau later declared "violet eyes to die for."
Pretty eyes are for women. Next!
Oh I think we all know who Almira Gulch is. There is an unnecessary meanness in her that goes with a petty mind. Also, she's socially awkward.
Chris Christie reminds me of Lumpy Rutherford in "Leave It To Beaver." He's big and oafish and a bully.
Bernie Sanders is Howard Beale. He expects us to open our windows and scream, "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!" Actually, his crowd is bored as hell, as they are people of privilege denouncing White Privilege.
Joe Biden? Bob Ueker -- except Ueker's stupidity is all an act.